I really enjoyed our November Saturday Session's Meyers Briggs assessment.  It was my first "official" one; however, I had taken a modified version of it in the past.  I noted that I was still an absolute extravert (no surprise, for even those of you who know me on the most superficial of levels), which I attribute to being an only child and thus denied the joys (and troubles) of a big family.  I was also still an intuition processing person.  Nevertheless, I had actually transformed slightly from a "thinker" to a "feeler" (although my inner "feeler" only won by one question) and quite drastically from a "judger" to a "perceiver."  I will focus my reflections on the latter.

As I have shared before, I am a recovering "planner."  I was the kind of person who had a "5 year plan"...probably since I was 5.  In high school, I decided I wanted to be a teacher and that I would attend SUNY Albany as a means of appeasing my parents' borderline obsession with me and exchanging this "sacrifice" for my post-college freedom (I had informed my parents that going to college within one mile of my home meant that they would have no "claim" on me after that and would not be allowed to make any more demands from me on my geographic location...however, years later, there still remains an unspoken understanding that I must reside within a 200 mile radius- LOL).  Then before graduating college, I decided that I wanted to teach in Brooklyn- but only after living overseas for a year doing something "humanitarian" based.  Therefore, after graduation, I taught as a missionary teacher in South Korea (where I would meet and marry my husband).  After my work there, I returned to the states, moved to Brooklyn and decided to earn my masters (and eventually to become a principal)while working and waiting for my husband to get to New York.  "We" made a plan (although it was likely driven by me) that included starting a family when I was 27...and before I knew it, that "special time" crept on me (and us), and it forced me to confront a reality that I had been fighting to admit- my marriage was a mess.  In fact, it was only a marriage in the most legalistic of ways: towards the end, we shared little more than a residence and bills.

With the exception of my marriage, at that point in time, my life was "perfect"- I was finishing up my administrative license and would be fulfilling my dream of becoming a principal in a few months; I had just closed on purchasing my first home (apartment) on my own; I was physically fit and surrounded by great friends and family (including a wonderful fellowship group).  With the exception of my marriage, I was completely without want.  And it killed me that I had NO CONTROL over the state of my marriage. My marriage was not something that I could fix, not something I could simply create a goal and develop an action plan.  No, it was much more complicated because it involved another human being who had his own mind and heart and struggles and needs and desires and vision.  So in the end, despite all of my elaborate planning, all of my hard work and sacrifice, I was unable to "check all my life boxes."

But praise God...because after a lengthy existential crisis of faith (which resulted from what appears to be an inevitable divorce), our Lord enabled me to really see my brokenness and humbled me enough to submit everything to him.  He showed me that I had no place to be giving Him “timelines” or “deadlines” or any other demands.  I could no longer act as the ruler of my life who would neatly compartmentalize the different facets of my life and self-select what was in God’s hands and what was in mine.  Instead, I simply came to acknowledge what we know is true (but too often have trouble following)- God is sovereign over all things because all things belong to Him, and fortunately He is also good and seeks only good for His children- even when they are too blind, foolish or weak to see and/or appreciate it.  So it was ultimately a failed marriage that led to my “conversion” from a “judger” to a “perceiver.”

Judgers are characterized by their affinity for structure and schedules, for having a plan and sticking to it.  Perceivers, conversely, are a bit more spontaneous (and usually, more flexible) and prefer to go with the flow.  Although at work, my position does require me to be a bit more planned and “purposeful,” and I do sit down to do the planning, in my execution of my plans, I still operate in a much more “free flow” style.  Doing the Meyers Briggs assessment made me be more aware of how frustrating and discouraging my more spontaneous decisions can be to my colleagues and subordinates who are judgers and flourish more when they are informed of changes in advance and have an opportunity to develop a plan for various goals.  I will continue to try and be sensitive to judgers’ needs and be more organized in my communication and dissemination  of key information.

Furthermore, I can also transfer my understandings of this to my friendships and family relationships.  I can be more conscious of how my "default modes" affect my interactions with different people and seek to establish common ground with mutual respect and understanding.