When presented with the question “where do I want to be in nine months?” at our fall retreat my mind flooded with a list of areas I long to grow in, areas that seem to never be too far from my mind. When reading back through that journal entry I found that my answers were not particularly interesting or profound. But I did find my answers to be hesitant and reserved. “Don’t ask too much, Lisa.” Upon a second re-reading of this journal entry I realized that a lack of faith ran through my answers like a poisoned river. I clearly remember what I was feeling when I penned the two pages in my black moleskin, and although I wasn’t saying so explicitly, my answers were screaming, “Can God really do these things in me? Will the Father choose to do great things through me and with me? I’m not so sure.” What a lack of trust in God and too much trust in myself!! S I N.

To be slapped in the face with my own sin is a gracious gift of the Lord! Having seen my lack of faith as well as a disproportionate balance of my belief in God’s ability to change me and his desire to do so, I am repentant and renewed in faith and hope for change in my heart, community, and city. I know He is able AND willing. With this my answers to “where I want to be in nine months” may not change, but my expectations, trust and hope will.

Further down this exact road is just where I want to be in nine months. I want to have a clear honest awareness of my sin, complimented with a deep faith that God can, will, and is pleased to overcome it. I also want a wholehearted willingness to live in obedience to him.

At Redeemer, and thus far in Gotham, we often hear that, “The gospel changes everything.” I believe this to be 100% right and true. In nine months I’d like to understand exactly how this is right and true. How the gospel changes the way I work, play, worship, handle relationships, etc…how I live/operate in and with the world. I hope to have a much more firm grasp on this in nine months…to be saturated with it. To name a few ways, this translates into a more robust prayer life, more thoughtful and meaningful times of daily personal worship, a deeper push to pour my life out on behalf of others (in all my communities, including the hospital) , and a faithful non-legalistic participation in the spiritual disciplines. All this has one end….more understand of and communion with God.

Gotham is challenging spiritually and mentally. In addition to the above hopes, in nine months I desire to have developed more depth of mind, more familiarity with my own mental processes, and more creative and astute thinking skills. A more full and complete understanding of my own faith and theology is desired and expected.

I feel like my life is compartmentalized. In reality there are no compartments. All portions of life and heart affect the other portions. In nine months I’d like the different “compartments” of my life to be joined together. To use the term from our first week’s reading, I long to be less dualistic. How can I marry the secular and sacred, the public and private? I am desperate to be further along in the process at the end of this nine month journey.

Spiritually, in community, and in my work, where do I want to be in nine months? In a place different from where I am today.