At the same time, I’m still who I am. Since moving to New York, I’ve noticed the ways that the city rubs off on me. I’m more cynical and jaded. I’m less hopeful. There’s a part of me that wants to be cautious about making grand projections about where I’ll be in nine months. What if this process raises more questions than answers about the course of my career and my tenure in New York City? What if I still routinely spend Friday evenings at home with my cat, still longing for the type of community I had hoped to find here? What if my shortcomings get in the way of something great that may be supposed to happen? What if I’m pinning too much on Gotham?
And yet I know that I’m supposed to believe that hope does not disappoint, because God has poured his love into my heart – and I feel that I’ve been given the grace to actually believe it. When I think about the unique experience that Gotham will be, I realize that having high expectations for what this will do to my life is the only realistic option. While many things remain uncertain, I choose to believe that God will use these months to provide healing, restoration, and growth. With all the newness of this season, I know that whatever else happens during these nine months, that He will be with me, preparing me for whatever lies ahead.